When I counsel neurodiverse couples, it's pretty common to hear the allistic partner wonder out loud:
"At the start of our relationship, I think my partner hid who he really was. I feel lied to."
Ah, the exhilarating beginning of a relationship, where everything feels like a page taken out of a fairy tale.
For our neurodiverse lovebirds, this time can be especially magical... and complex. 🎭
The Alluring Beginning: A Special Interest Affair
Imagine being the center of someone's world, their "special interest".
That's how many allistic partners feel when dating an autistic person. This intense focus can feel like the ultimate romantic dream.
But here's the rub: during the dating phase, interactions are often limited, allowing the autistic partner to mask or adjust their behaviors more easily. It's like being a guest star in the most captivating play of your life. 🎭💘
The Masking Masquerade and the Distance Dance
Not living together means you're not facing the day-to-day challenges that come with neurodiversity in a shared space.
The allistic partner sees stability in the pursuing partner, which feels comforting and secure.
And being the emotional guide for the relationship? It can make you feel valued and indispensable in the most heartwarming way.
But Then... Reality Sets In
As the relationship deepens and living together becomes a reality, the daily demands reveal themselves.
The neurodiverse partner might feel overwhelmed by expectations that were never discussed, feeling a sense of betrayal by new, unspoken demands.
On the flip side, the allistic partner might mourn the evaporation of the intense romance that once was, feeling as though the magic has dissipated into thin air. 💔
The Emotional Crossroads: Where Do We Go from Here?
This is where the true adventure begins. Neuro-informed therapy isn't just a buzzword; it's a beacon of hope.
Imagine a space where both partners learn to understand and appreciate the beauty of their differences.
Where communication styles are not just acknowledged but celebrated. 🎉
In this tailored therapy approach, we delve deep into the art of masking, unmasking, and everything in between.
We explore the dynamics of special interests and how they can be both a source of connection and misunderstanding.
We provide tools and strategies for navigating the day-to-day realities of a neurodiverse relationship, turning potential pitfalls into stepping stones towards a stronger bond. 🛠️❤️
Together, we'll rediscover connection, not by returning to the past, but by creating a new, shared future. A future where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued for their authentic selves.
Because at the end of the day, love isn't about changing each other. It's about growing together in understanding and acceptance. 💑🌱
Ready to explore what neuro-informed therapy can do for your relationship?
Your love story deserves to be understood, celebrated, and nurtured.
With warmth and hope,
Harry
Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center.
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