For Couples: Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person
Do you often feel overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells?
Maybe you’ve been told you’re "too sensitive" or that you need to toughen up. If this sounds familiar, you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
This trait, found in 15-20% of the population, describes individuals whose nervous systems are wired to process sensory input more deeply.
Being an HSP is not a disorder—you won’t find it in the DSM. However, it plays a significant role in how people experience the world.
Understanding this trait can transform relationships, helping couples and individuals navigate its challenges and embrace its unique strengths.
🔍 What is HSP?
Highly Sensitive People possess a blend of qualities that make their experiences in the world different, including:
Depth of Processing
HSPs process all types of information more deeply than others. They are more reflective, often taking longer to make decisions because of their detailed thought process.
This depth of processing includes both conscious analysis of conversations and unconscious gut feelings.
Overarousability
HSPs notice more than others in any given situation—be it emotions, noise levels, or even subtle smells. This hyper-awareness is advantageous but can also lead to overarousal and stress, especially in overwhelming environments.
Emotional Intensity
HSPs feel emotions intensely, both positive and negative. This heightened emotional responsiveness makes them empathetic, as they are more attuned to others' feelings.
Sensory Sensitivity
HSPs are highly sensitive to subtle environmental stimuli, which can help them notice potential dangers but also makes them more vulnerable to discomfort from loud noises, bright lights, or even certain foods.
Risk Evaluation
HSPs are excellent strategists and tend to plan ahead, carefully evaluating risks before acting. Their sensitivity tempers impulsive behavior, making them cautious adventurers
💑 Helping Couples Understand HSP
For neurodiverse couples, where one partner may be autistic or have ADHD, integrating an HSP trait into the relationship adds complexity but also depth. Here’s how this dynamic can show up:
Sensory Overload:
HSPs can find environments or experiences that seem neutral to their partner overwhelming. Whether it’s a noisy event or an emotionally charged conversation, the HSP partner may need more downtime or a change in surroundings to cope with the overload.
Their non-HSP partner, however, may not experience the same level of intensity and can feel frustrated or confused by the HSP’s reactions. Counseling can help each partner understand and respect the other’s sensory needs, finding a balance between stimulation and calm.
Emotional Processing:
HSPs are deeply sensitive to emotional shifts in a relationship. A tone of voice, a word choice, or even an expression can trigger strong emotions.
In neurodiverse couples, this sensitivity can clash with a more direct or less emotionally expressive partner, like someone on the autism spectrum, who may be less attuned to these subtle cues. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Therapy can help bridge this gap, fostering communication that supports both the HSP’s need for emotional nuance and the non-HSP partner’s need for straightforward conversation.
Conflict Resolution:
Because HSPs feel emotions so deeply, conflict in the relationship can feel especially overwhelming.
They may take longer to recover after arguments, need more reassurance, or even avoid conflict altogether to prevent emotional overload. This avoidance, however, can lead to unresolved issues.
Neurodiverse couples therapy can provide tools for managing conflict in a way that doesn’t overwhelm the HSP, while also giving the non-HSP partner the space they need to express their thoughts more clearly.
Building Empathy:
On the flip side, the depth of feeling that HSPs bring to a relationship can foster a strong sense of empathy and emotional connection. Their sensitivity allows them to pick up on their partner’s needs, even if unspoken, which can create a more supportive and nurturing bond.
Couples therapy can help partners use these strengths to their advantage, deepening their connection while also addressing the challenges that come with HSP traits.
By creating a space where both partners’ needs are understood and respected, counseling can help neurodiverse couples find a new balance in their relationship.
🧠 HSP Overlaps with Other Neurodiversities
HSP traits can overlap with aspects of other neurodiverse conditions such as autism or ADHD. For example:
Autism:
Both HSPs and autistic individuals can experience sensory sensitivities, though for different reasons. Autistic individuals may struggle with processing sensory stimuli, while HSPs tend to process stimuli more deeply on an emotional level.
ADHD:
HSPs may experience a similar sense of overwhelm in busy environments as someone with ADHD, but where ADHD might be characterized by difficulty focusing, HSPs are often over-focused on emotional and sensory details.
Exploring these overlaps in therapy can help neurodiverse individuals and couples find ways to better understand each other and work together.
❓ Is Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) a Disorder?
Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), the trait underlying HSP, is not a disorder but rather a natural variation in how the nervous system processes sensory information.
While it can coexist with conditions like autism or ADHD, it is distinct in important ways:
Empathy and Social Sensitivity:
SPS involves high levels of empathy and responsiveness to social stimuli, traits that are often absent in conditions like high-functioning autism. This makes SPS more about deep social and emotional engagement rather than social difficulty.
Attention Span:
Although HSPs may be misdiagnosed with ADHD, they tend to have good concentration in quiet, calm environments. ADHD typically presents with a more consistent challenge in maintaining attention, regardless of the setting.
Despite the challenges of overstimulation and emotional intensity, SPS offers a range of advantages, including heightened intuition, creativity, and empathy.
For some, however, the trait can lead to vulnerabilities, such as anxiety or depression, particularly if they feel misunderstood or isolated.
Therapy can provide valuable psychoeducational support, helping HSPs navigate these challenges while embracing their sensitivity as a strength.
🧑⚕️ Meet Nancy Rushing: Our HSP Specialist
Nancy Rushing, one of our compassionate therapists, is a Highly Sensitive Person herself.
She brings a deep understanding and unique insights into working with HSP clients.
Her empathy and personal experience with this trait allow her to guide both individuals and couples toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
🧠 Understand Your Sensory Sensitivity: Get Expert Guidance with Our Sensory Assessment
If you’re wondering whether your sensitivity might be part of a broader sensory processing pattern, you may benefit from taking the Sensory Processing Measure, Second Edition (SPM-2).
The SPM-2 is a widely recognized tool used to assess how individuals process sensory information in various environments, such as at home, work, or in social situations.
What is the SPM-2?
The SPM-2 measures different aspects of sensory processing, including how people respond to visual, auditory, tactile, and other sensory stimuli.
It can help identify specific areas where a person may struggle with sensory integration, such as difficulty filtering out background noise or heightened sensitivity to touch.
How Does It Relate to HSP?
While the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait is not the same as sensory processing disorder (SPD) or other sensory challenges, there are overlapping characteristics. Both HSPs and individuals with sensory processing challenges may:
Experience overstimulation in busy or noisy environments
Feel overwhelmed by certain textures, sounds, or bright lights
Require more downtime or space after social interactions
However, HSP focuses more on emotional and social sensitivity, along with a deeper level of processing information, whereas sensory processing disorders tend to be more about how the brain interprets sensory input from the environment.
How Can the SPM-2 Help?
For individuals who are uncertain if their experiences stem from sensory processing difficulties or their HSP trait, the SPM-2 provides valuable insight.
Under the guidance of our trained clinicians, this assessment can:
Clarify if sensory sensitivities are part of a more significant sensory processing challenge
Identify areas where targeted support might reduce overstimulation and stress
Guide therapy to address both the emotional and sensory aspects of sensitivity, creating a more holistic treatment approach
📝 Schedule Your SPM-2 Assessment Today
At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, our clinicians are experienced in using the SPM-2 to help individuals understand their sensory profiles.
If you’re interested in exploring how sensory processing might be influencing your experience, we invite you to take this assessment as part of your therapeutic journey.
Contact us to schedule an SPM-2 assessment with one of our expert clinicians and start gaining deeper insight into your sensory and emotional world.
📚 5 Great Books on HSP
The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron - The essential guide to understanding HSP traits and learning how to embrace them. Learn more
The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron - A must-read for HSPs navigating love and relationships. Learn more
The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff - Practical strategies for managing emotions and boundaries as an HSP or empath. Learn more
Quiet by Susan Cain - An exploration of introverts, many of whom share HSP traits, and how to thrive in a noisy world. Learn more
The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine Aron - For HSPs who are navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood. Learn more
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Start Your HSP Healing Journey with Nancy!
As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) myself, I understand the challenges this trait can cause and would love to support you on your healing journey!
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