Imagine trying to communicate your deepest desires and needs with your partner, but it feels like you're speaking different languages.
That's often the reality for neurodiverse couples when it comes to intimacy and sex.
Let's break the silence and dive into this crucial topic together!
🚧 8 Common Roadblocks to Neurodiverse Sex
👩❤️👨 1. Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy
Neurotypical partners might crave emotional intimacy through communication about emotions and experiences.
On the other hand, neurodiverse partners might seek physical intimacy to feel connected. It's like trying to take different paths to the same destination – closeness.
💬 2. Communication
Communication barriers can intensify during intimate moments.
Nonverbal cues like eye contact and body language often signal interest and consent, but these can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals.
Recognizing these differences helps shift towards clear, direct communication, such as using "code words" for boundaries and planned breaks to process tough interactions.
This approach reduces misunderstandings and ensures both partners clearly express needs and consent during intimacy.
🌐 3. Sensory Sensitivities
Sensory sensitivities are a common issue in neurodiverse couples.
Hypersensitivity can make physical touch overwhelming, while hyposensitivity may lead to a need for more intense sensory input.
Understanding these differences is crucial. For example, one partner might need to adjust their touch to match their partner's sensory preferences.
Educating couples about these variations helps them navigate and satisfy each other's sensory needs during intimate moments.
📋 4. Expectations
Every person has unique expectations about what intimacy should look like, and for neurodiverse couples, these expectations might conflict.
Open communication about these expectations is essential to align and find common ground, helping partners understand each other’s perspectives and needs.
📜 5. Past Experiences
Past relationships significantly shape views on intimacy.
Many autistic individuals have less experience with dating and sex, leading to unrealistic views of relationships or misunderstandings about roles.
Addressing these past experiences in therapy helps partners understand each other's viewpoints and expectations, fostering deeper connections.
🔧 6. Executive Functioning
Initiating intimacy requires planning and organizing, which can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals.
Recognizing these difficulties and finding ways to support each other in initiating intimate moments can improve the relationship.
🔒 7. Rigidity
Rigidity in routines or preferences can create tension in a sexual relationship.
Neurodiverse individuals might have specific ways they believe intimacy should be, which can hinder the natural flow of the relationship.
Couples can work together to become more adaptable to each other's needs.
🌹 8. Diverse Expressions of Intimacy
Intimacy for neurodivergent individuals can differ from traditional norms.
Activities like side-by-side gaming or snuggling while engaging in separate activities can be intimate for them.
Recognizing and accepting these diverse expressions of intimacy is vital for some couples.
🤔 Where to Start?
Couples struggling with sex often don't know where to start. In therapy, we work on the following areas:
🤝 Build a Common Understanding
Understanding how neurodiversity impacts your physical intimacy is the first step.
This involves psychoeducation about autism and re-contextualizing your relationship through this valuable lens.
🎯 Setting Clear Goals
We help you discuss each partner's needs, desires, and quota for intimacy and sex. Together, we identify specific goals to address deficits and improve experiences.
This can be incredibly hard to do and almost always needs the safe guidance from one of our counselors.
🗣️ Open Communication
We facilitate conversations about why certain needs are unfulfilled and what specifics are required for improvement.
This is not about compliance but rather focuses on understanding and exploration.
🧠 Perspective-Taking
We consider each other's perspectives to increase relational success.
Once you understand your partner's viewpoint, you can work together to strengthen intimacy and sexual connection.
👫 Sex Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples
Do you feel overwhelmed reading this?
Please know that is perfectly normal!
Here's the good news: sex therapy with a neuro-informed therapist can help make it easier to talk about sex. We'll provide a supportive space for both partners to share in their own way and at their own pace.
Imagine turning those awkward moments of miscommunication into opportunities for deeper connection, understanding and fun!
Willing to try? We’re here when you’re ready.
Warm regards,
Harry
Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director
Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator?
Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you.
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