As a neurodiverse couples therapist, I often hear:Ā
"Iām pretty sure my husband is autistic. Weāve tried regular couples therapy and it bombed. He gets mad when I suggest he might be autistic. I feel lonely and desperate for help. What should I do?" š
I get itāregular couples was painful for both of you. You're pretty sure heās not going anywhere near therapy again.Ā Ā
But, for some reason, you havenāt given up.
So how do I pull him in?
How to Get Him on Board
1. Pick Your Moment:
Donāt drop this on him when heās in the middle of his latest hobby deep- dive or when youāre already bickering. Find a chill time when youāre both relaxed. š
2. Highlight the Expertise:
Emphasize that the therapist specializes in neurodiverse couples, so he or she understands our unique challenges and strengths. š§
3. Focus on Specific Goals:
This will not be open ended therapy going nowhere.
Talk about the specific goals you both want to achieve, like better communication, less conflict, and more understanding.
Therapy is a tool to reach those goals. šÆ
4. Respect His Feelings:
Acknowledge that itās tough to consider therapy, especially if previous experiences were negative. Show that you respect his feelings and are seeking a new approach together. š¤
5. Small Initial Commitment:
Suggest meeting the therapist for just ONE session to see if there is a good fit. Sometimes, just meeting the therapist can alleviate fears or misconceptions. šļø
6. Cost-Benefit Analysis:
Compare a 10% increase in happiness for decades to a few hours of failed couples therapy. āļø
7. Respect Autonomy:
Reassure him that therapy is NOT about changing who he is, but understanding each other better and finding strategies that work for both of you. š
8. Address Misconceptions:
Clear up any misconceptions he might have about therapy. Itās not about laying blame or rehashing past issuesāitās about moving forward positively. š
Whatās Actually Different About NeurodiverseĀ Couples Therapy?
1. Therapist Training:
Our therapists are trained in neurodiversity and wonāt shame, blame, or try to change the autistic or ADHD partner.
Youāll both be on the same footing, and itās about equality and understanding. š©āš«š¤
2. Decoding Neurodiversity:
Our therapist will break down the patterns that show up in a neurodiverse relationship in a way that makes sense. Itās like getting the user manual for your interactions. šš§©
3. Rebuilding Communication:
Youāll learn how to rebuild communication that takes your brain differences into account. š£ļøš”
4. Sensory Stuff:
Our therapists will help you address any sensory sensitivities and how these impact your day-to-day life. Itās like figuring out why certain things drive him nuts and finding workarounds. š
5. Emotional & Logic Connection:
Youāll work on understanding each otherās emotional and logical perspectives.
Itās about figuring out how to connect both hearts and minds, ensuring youāre on the same page emotionally and logically. We wonāt prioritize emotions over logic. Both are important!!šš§
6. Real Tools:
Youāll get practical tools and exercises to use at home. Itās not just talkāitās about making real changes that youāll actually notice. š ļøš
Ready to Give It a Try?
Popping the question about couples therapy can be super tough.
It's like proposing all over again, but for the sake of your relationship's health.
Are you ready to give it a try? š
Let's take the first step together. You can book a couple session or book an individual session just to talk about how to ask your partner.
We'll figure it out together, and you won't be alone in this. You got this! šŖ
Until next time,
Ā
Harry
Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director
Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator?
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We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment SiteĀ and
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