❤️🩹 Suffering Sucks—Here’s Why It’s Your Secret Weapon 💪
- hmotro
- Jan 28
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 7
The Night We Shattered
Listen to my client's story (heavily modified to maintain confidentiality)
My wife and I, sprawled on the living room floor, surrounded by the wreckage of a dinner gone wrong.
The chicken burned, smoke curling up like a bad omen, while the autism-driven need for routine in me clashed with her frantic improvisation.
We’d been fighting—sharp words slicing deeper than we meant—over who forgot to set the timer.
Tears streaked her face; my jaw clenched so tight I thought it’d crack.
Suffering hung heavy, a third guest at our ruined table.
But then she reached for my hand, her fingers trembling, and whispered, “We’re still here.”
I exhaled, the tension splintering, and we laughed—raw, messy, real.
That night didn’t fix this couple, but it proved suffering isn’t the enemy; it’s the fire we walk through together.
🌟 Suffering: The Uninvited Teacher
Suffering barges into every life—no RSVP required. It’s not a glitch; it’s the pulse of being human.
We learn the most when the ground shakes beneath us—grit sharpens in the scrape of hard moments.
For couples, though, there’s a sneaky script whispering that love should be painless, effortless, a rom-com without the third act twist.
But here’s the kicker: suffering isn’t a sign you’ve failed.
It’s the raw material of growth.
And for neurodiverse couples—say, one autistic partner, one not—it can feel like the volume’s cranked up, amplifying the sting of difference.
🌈 Why Neurodiverse Couples Feel the Burn
🌀 The Myth of “Shouldn’t Be This Hard”
Neurodiverse couples wrestle with a double-edged lie: suffering means something’s broken, and their differences make it worse.
An autistic partner might crave predictability while the other thrives on spontaneity—cue the friction.
They think, “If we were more alike, this wouldn’t hurt so much.”
Spoiler: suffering doesn’t care about brain wiring—it’s an equal-opportunity sculptor.
🌪️ Difference Amplifies the Echo
When missteps hit—like a missed social cue or a meltdown over plans gone sideways—the gap in how you process the world can feel like a canyon.
It’s not pathology; it’s just difference doing its dance. But that dance can trick you into believing you’re suffering because of autism or neurotypicality, not because life is a wild, messy ride.
💡 Suffering as a Forge, Not a Fracture
Poet Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote,
“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage.”
Suffering’s the dragon—and how you face it defines you. For couples, it’s not about dodging the flames but linking arms to meet them.
It reveals your core: Strip away the easy days, and what’s left is who you are.
It bonds through battle: Surviving together carves a shared story no sunny day can match.
It’s universal, not personal: Your neurodiverse struggles? They’re human struggles, remixed.
Nelson Mandela said suffering turns ordinary people into something extraordinary—if they let it. For neurodiverse pairs, that “letting it” means seeing difference as a co-conspirator, not a culprit.
🛠️ Interventions: How We Help You Harness Suffering
🔍 Neuro-Informed Insight
Our specialists get it: autism and neurotypicality aren’t flaws to fix—they’re lenses shaping how you experience pain. We decode those lenses so you stop blaming the wiring and start tackling the real stuff. Think less “Why can’t you just…?” and more “How do we ride this wave together?”
⚡ Practical Tools
We don’t peddle fluffy “just communicate” fixes. Instead, we map your unique rhythms—maybe scripting responses for overwhelm or carving out sensory reset zones—so suffering becomes a challenge you master, not a chaos you drown in.
🌟 Reframing the Narrative
Our team flips the script: suffering isn’t extra baggage for neurodiverse couples; it’s a chance to build something fierce and rare. We guide you to see each clash as a chisel, not a wrecking ball.
🏋️♂️ Exercise: Facing the Fire Together
Grab a notebook or your phone—try this with your partner if you’re brave. Answer solo first, then share.
Pinpoint the Pain: What’s one recurring suffering in your relationship right now? Name it—be specific.
Feel the Sting: What’s the loudest thought it triggers? (“This shouldn’t be happening” or “If only they were different”?)
Flip the Lens: How has this struggle made you stronger—alone or as a pair? Dig deep.
Find the Gift: What’s one skill or truth this suffering taught you that you’d never learn in calm waters?
Plot the Pivot: What’s one tiny step you could take together to face it—not fix it, just face it?
Seal the Pact: Write a one-sentence vow to each other about meeting suffering as a team.
Take 10 minutes to try this exercise. No pressure—just honesty. This isn’t about erasing pain; it’s about owning it.
🎉 Closing Punch: You’re Built for This
Suffering doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re alive, clashing, growing.
For neurodiverse couples, the stakes feel higher because the differences are louder, but so is the payoff.
You’re not cursed with extra hurt; you’re gifted with a sharper forge.
Step into it together—because the couples who thrive don’t avoid suffering; they wield it.
💬 Ready to wield your struggles into strengths? Click here to schedule your session.
Warmly,
Harry Motro
Clinical Director
Specialties and Certifications
Neurodivergent Couples
Autistic Individuals & Family Members
ADHD & Executive Functioning Support
Complex Trauma & PTSD
Substance Use & Co-Occurring Disorders
Co-Parenting Challenges
Parenting Twice Exceptional Children
Identity & Self-Acceptance
Specialist in Neurodiverse Relationships
Life Experience
Lived Experience in a Neurodiverse Marriage
Mother of Two Unique Children – Parenting an 18-year-old and a 13-year-old.
Diverse Educational Background – Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy, degrees in Communication, and a Doctorate in Education
Experience Across Multiple Fields – Over five years in nonprofit work supporting the unhoused, LGBTQ+ communities, and individuals with learning disabilities
Dedicated Educator – Adjunct professor at community college, undergraduate, and graduate levels
Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist – Using evidence-based and strength-focused approaches to support clients
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